Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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