he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
