I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
