just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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