HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
