That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Also, beer. Big fan.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
