so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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