Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
