she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
