yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
well you can't waste a boner
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
