you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
