Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
