After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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