Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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