there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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