i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
