we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
