i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
