you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
this beer tastes like vomit already
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
