I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
