I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
