she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
