when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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