would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
