her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
