So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
