I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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