imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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