I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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