Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
