The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
