When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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