let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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