Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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