thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
