Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
