i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
