He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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