Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
