This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
