Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
