Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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