you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
