then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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