I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
