you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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