it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
