i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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