I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Randomize
