The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
